Messages

Written by Jess Leach for “Feminist Disability Studies”

Be a good girl. Sit down. Don’t be a snitch. No one likes a tattletale. You’re  not sick. Think positive thoughts. Give him a hug! Change your attitude.  Don’t make a fuss. Put your tongue away. That’s not very ladylike. That’s  weird. They were just kidding. Why are you doing that? No, you can’t play  with us. Don’t be sad. You eat weird. Just be normal. You better be careful.  You’re cruising for a bruising. We didn’t raise you this way. Do better. Do  more. Girls aren’t as strong as boys. Go make me a sandwich. Get back in  the kitchen and shut up. Be nice. Don’t cry. Just keep trying. Try harder.  Focus. Sit still. Shush, no one cares. You talk too much. You’re too much.  Don’t be a baby. Grow up.  

My mask was my shield,  
providing protection from the danger  
that swallowed me whole. 

Each day that comes and goes, slowly  
erodes the walls I’ve been taught to raise  
around my soul. 

I rip up tar and gravel, desperate 
to excavate my spirit, 
barricaded deep within. 

I gift myself new messages now: 
Love. Cry. Connect. Laugh. Protest. Be.  

Just, be.