From The DAC Team
Take a second to listen to our Disability & Access Collective Official Playlist on YouTube!
BRENDA:
Playlist Offerings:
“Vincent” by Don McLean (1972)
“Now” by Karen Carpenter (1982/1983)
“We are Xtra,” Lachi with Mad Crow (2019)
I’m clearly going (mostly) “old school” here with my selections – because, well –*ahem* –I have the experience to go “old school” with. But in my fashion, I also like to bridge it “present” as well.
Don McLean’s only other major hit song (aside from the iconic classic, “American Pie”) was the elegiac “Vincent” (1972). As McLean himself claimed in an 2010 interview, the song was written as a counter-argument to the 100+ year old “story” about Vincent Van Gogh’s madness:
In the autumn of 1970 I had a job singing in the school system, playing my guitar in classrooms. I was sitting on the veranda one morning, reading a biography of Van Gogh, and suddenly I knew I had to write a song arguing that he wasn’t crazy. He had an illness and so did his brother Theo. This makes it different, in my mind, to the garden variety of ‘crazy’ – because he was rejected by a woman [as was commonly thought]. So I sat down with a print of Starry Night and wrote the lyrics out on a paper bag.2
Looking back (and forward too), I find this song astonishingly future-forward in its thinking about the (umbrella) condition called “madness” and who narrates that experience and label. The chorus of the song continues to, well, chorus for me as a very early expression of the “social construction of disability” model that would then/soon fashion and unfold the entire field of disability studies about a decade later:
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
“Now” is the first track on Karen Carpenter’s posthumously released album (1983), recorded in studio in April 1982. (Carpenter died in February 1983) The song, like many of her songs, is ethereal and read against the story of her death – at the age of 32 and from the complications of anorexia – its lyric and somewhat cloying sense of longing haunt all the more. (And here, “haunt” is used as a verb of both disturbance and power.) Karen’s death completely overturned and re-shaped the national (even global) narrative around “women’s eating problems” –giving it a name, serious attention, treatments, study and research. She was a disability (and disability studies) pioneer then –though the shame and stigma and silence around her lived experience at the time still haunts us too. Forty years later, singers everywhere will still tell you that her vocals are unmatched, effortless, astonishing – and yes, haunting too.
Lachi is a dominant force in the EDM international music scene. She is a major contributor to what the BBC recently called “Disabled Musicians Turning Up the Volume.” I selected this song, “We are Xtra” –among so very many Lachi possibilities– since many of her songs ground, weave, fly, flower, fashion from disability experience, her own and others. This part of the chorus, in particular, also flaps with the crow metaphor/theme of the DAC blog too!
We fly and we never turn down
Cause we’re extra
We do it extra
Much like McClean’s “Vincent,” and Karen Carpenter’s voice (and life), Lachi’s music conveys the potential – both soaring flight and possible Icarus-fall – of the disability experience crossed with/in music.
ALLY:
Playlist Offerings:
“To Noise Making” by Hozier (2019)
“Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen (1980)
“I’m Still Standing” by Elton John (1983)
“Random Hearts” by Against Me! (2007)
“Keep Your Head Up” by Andy Grammer (2010)
“Don’t Give Up On Me” by Andy Grammer (2019)
I chose to go more personal with my playlist selections. Not all of these songs are by disabled artists or written with disability in mind, but all hold specific meaning in my mind.
- I love Hozier. There is something so hauntingly beautiful in all his music. It’s not just catchy tunes, but deep messages that seduce the soul. “To Noise Making” speaks about letting your voice be heard, and just singing for joy with no expectations. The song begins with:
Remember when you’d sing, just for the fuck of it
Any joy it would bring
Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound
Your head tilt back your funny mouth to the clouds
To me these lyrics speak about just being yourself and humming along to the tune of your own song, no matter the judgment of others. The song continues on with some of my favorite lyrics further down:
You don’t have to sing it nice, but honey sing it strong
At best, you find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along
To me these lyrics are encouraging the listener to speak out. To use your voice, and find comfort in what you stand for…and that eventually the world will hear you. The world may even listen. I would like to end with the lyrics:
Who could ask to be unbroken or be brave again?
Or honey hope even on this side of the grave again?
And who could ask it to be sound or to feel saved again?
Or stick around until you hear that music play again
To me this is saying that music is healing, and using our voice is healing. We should all sing along to whatever song we want in life and feel connected by the understanding that nobody is really quite whole. We all have little cracks or fragile pieces of us. We shouldn’t expect others to have to be “brave” in the negative viewpoint of bottling emotions.
- Queen was before my time, but I still grew up with an appreciation for the band. “Another One Bites the Dust” is a song that I listened to often on my journey battling the chronic pain of chronic nonbacterial osteomyelitis.
Are you ready? Hey, are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway, the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat, yeah
To me these lyrics start out with taunting. The music asks if I’m ready for the pain…if I’m willing to fight.
Hey, I’m gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
The song progresses to a threat. The pain is inevitable. I don’t have a choice but to face it.
How do you think I’m going to get along?
Without you, when you’re gone
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own
The autoimmune disorder thrust me into depression. The constant shift of being “normal” one moment and then limited by swollen bones the next took everything out of me. For a while I was lost. I was alone.
But I’m ready, yes, I’m ready for you
I’m standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating the sound of the beat, oh, yeah
When I was going through the experience of battling my autoimmune disorder, these lyrics represented how I would hold strong and fight back. How I would be determined to “fix” everything. Now the lyrics also hold a double meaning for me, being in remission. “I’m standing on my own two feet” and I’m faced with the task of relearning life without the symptoms of my disorder. I have to “unhack” my life because there is no more physical pain. I have to unlearn all the adaptations my disorder prompted me to make. I have to face the unrealistic, overarching expectation of what “normality” is now that there’s no scapegoat for my differences.
I would also like to mention how Freddie Mercury suffered through AIDS, which includes him in the community of disability.
- I think I have every single one of Elton John’s songs saved to my personal playlist, with the exception of one or two. There are many songs of his that I could have chosen to add to this playlist, but I chose “I’m Still Standing” because I believe it is the most straightforward in its heartfelt message. This is also a song that I listened to a lot throughout my autoimmune disorder journey.
You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this fool could never win?
Well look at me, I’m a-coming back again
There is no need to hide behind a false image. No need to hide the pain. In my case, the pain of my disorder (but it could be any physical or emotional pain from anything).
Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did?
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
And I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
This is a fight song. It’s basically a f-you to the universe…look at me, I’m still here.
Elton John has epilepsy which also includes him in the community of disability.
- I am not super familiar with Against Me! I heard the song “Random Hearts” somewhere and I thought the words would make a good addition to this playlist.
Give me all the hate you feel, binge and purge
All that we cannot change, we’re going to destroy
This is a message of letting go of the things we cannot change. It is about accepting who we are.
Random hearts that beat for each other
Random hearts in a cruel, cruel world
This is a message about unity and human compassion. It is about recognizing that we all go through hidden journeys.
Broken fingers form broken chords, the effort is indelible
The frequency does not decay,
We’re in this together
Again this is about voice. If we cry out for help then we will receive it with understanding.
- Andy Grammer is another one of my all time favorite artists. Growing up, my life was consistently filled with his voice. I have chosen two songs from him to include in this playlist because both are very important to me. “Keep Your Head Up” has gotten me through a lot of very dark times. I would lay in the hospital with this song on repeat through my earbuds, or on the couch after I got my picc line in with my speaker blaring. Really, just any time I was at a low point I would play this song. I would play it on the way to the doctor, before soccer games if I was having a flare up in my leg, or my mom would play me this song whenever she thought I needed it.
I’ve been trying to survive
The glow that the sun gets right around sunset
Helps me to realize
This is just a journey, drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine
This is just such a reassuring song. It is like a friend is speaking.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh
You gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh
I know it’s hard, know it’s hard
To remember sometimes
But you gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh eh eh eh
It’s such a catchy tune, that just lifts the spirit to sing along. The words are very real though. There’s a lot of encouragement here.
I got my hands in my pockets, kicking these rocks
It’s kinda hard to watch this life go by
I’m buying into skeptics
Skeptics mess with the confidence in my eyes
I’m seeing all the angles, thoughts get tangled
I start to compromise my life and my purpose
Is it all worth it?
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Painting this picture of a person going through a tough time is such a great way to give the listener perspective. The listener switches from feeling sorry for themself to wanting to extend a hand to the person suffering in the song. It provides a 3rd person perspective to a situation of suffering.
- The second song I have chosen is “Don’t Give Up On Me.” This has so many wonderful disability ties, having been included in the movie Five Feet Apart. This movie is about the love story between two patients with cystic fibrosis who can’t be together due to their illness.
I will fight
I will fight for you
I always do, until my heart
Is black and blue
Another fight song.
I’ll reach my hands out in the dark
And wait for yours to interlock
I’ll wait for you
I’ll wait for you
More themes of unity and togetherness.
I’m not givin’ up
I’m not givin’ up, givin’ up
No not me
Even when nobody else believes
I’m not goin’ down that easily
So don’t give up on me
So powerful.
HANNAH:
Playlist Offerings:
“AMYGDALA” by Agust D (2023)
“Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi (2020)
“You’re Cold” by HEIZE (2020)
“The Disease Called Love” by Neru & z’5 ft. Kagamine Rin and Kagamine Len (2018)
“Sincerely” by TRUE (2018)
“Don’t Give Up On Me” by Andy Grammer (2019)
“In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes (2018)
To anyone who doesn’t know, I’m a melomaniac, a person who loves music. I’m the friend who has a playlist ready for any occasion. I’m someone who has a soundtrack playing in the background as if I’m the main character in a movie. Because I have a habit of jumping from genre to genre, my taste in music is very diverse. Given the opportunity to make an official playlist for our blog, I selected a couple of my favorites. I hope one will spark your curiosity, and you’ll leave with a new favorite song.
For my first pick, I have “AMYGDALA” by Agust D (Min Yoongi), a South Korean rapper. An “amygdala” is a part of the brain responsible for emotional processes, specifically fear and anxiety. The song’s lyrics and the themes of the music video center around Agust’s deteriorating mental health, his depression, social anxiety, the trauma following his motorcycle accident which resulted in a severe shoulder injury, and his suicide attempt (Agust addresses it more directly in “The Last,” a song from his debut album). Born and raised in an extremely conservative country, I was surprised to see the South Korean artist be open about “taboo” topics. Since I’ve followed his career as SUGA in BTS or in his solo activities, Min Yoongi has never downplayed the importance of being open about the struggles he endured as a kid, a teenager, and as an adult. Not only do I respect Min Yoongi as an artist, but as an advocate and role model for future generations who are burdened by the repeating cycle of trauma.
My second pick is Lewis Capaldi’s single “Before You Go.” The song was my introduction to Lewis Capaldi’s music, and it did not disappoint. The song addresses Lewis’s mixed feelings of grief towards his aunt, who committed suicide when Lewis was a kid. The lyrics are a sonnet for the people who must endure losing someone precious in the aftermath of their suicide. Capaldi weaves a heartbreaking homage to the people who have died, the grief of the mourners who lose their loved ones, and the pain of being powerless to be a source of comfort for the people who are hurting inside. To me, the song is inspiring. In my eyes, there are no words to describe the agony of losing someone. It makes it all the more important, we are there for one another. I was told, “Maybe there aren’t happy endings for everyone, but we can find comfort in one another in the course of the story.”
My next selection is the song “You’re Cold” by HEIZE. It’s a part of the major hit South Korean drama, “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay.” The song is the theme song of one of the main characters in the show, who is believed to have antisocial personality disorder, a type of personality disorder in which the person is inclined for impulsive, irresponsible, and sometimes criminal behavior. Given the stigma of the disorder, I was drawn to the character’s upbringing in isolation, the problems and social stigma she overcame, and the people she grew to rely on. Without giving spoilers, the show and the cast were phenomenal at portraying a story of healing, found family, love, and self-growth.
As of late, I’ve highly enjoyed singing to Japanese vocaloids, a singing synthesizer program. For fellow fans, the next song I have is “The Disease Called Love” by Neru & z’5, featuring Kagamine Rin and Kagamine Len. In the song, “love” is used as a metaphor for “death.” The Japanese lyrics portray the singer’s fear of falling in love for they’ll be placed in a hospital, in which death would be their only release. Love is depicted as something suffocating, and its counterpart, death, is portrayed as liberating as displayed by the skeleton motif. I definitely recommend watching the music video as there isn’t a confirmed lore for the storyline, but the music video has elements of flashing lights. Please watch at your own discretion.
TRUE’s song “Sincerely” has one of the most beautiful compositions I’ve ever heard and is the opener to the acclaimed anime, “Violet Evergarden.” The anime follows a former child soldier who becomes an Auto Memory Doll, a person who travels across the world to write letters for others, in order to find her first love. I picked it because it perfectly summarizes the protagonist’s journey as she reintegrated into society in the aftermath of the war, addressing the consequences of her post-traumatic stress disorder and using a prosthetic arm in place of the arm she lost in battle. The show was an incredible watch, especially in its depiction of war consequences for soldiers and civilians as well as the tragedies people experienced in the aftermath. A war doesn’t end with a peace treaty. It ends when people learn to heal.
Based on the novel and inspired by Claire Wineland, a cystic fibrosis patient and activist in real life, one of my favorite films of 2019 was “Five Feet Apart.” It was directed by Justin Baldoni and starred Haley Lu Richardson, Cole Sprouse, and Moises Arias to name a few. The film revolves around a hospital treating patients who were diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that harms a person’s lungs, digestive tract, and other organs. Due to the disease’s rapid infection speed, the two main characters are never allowed to be closer than six feet apart, and as a result, are never allowed to touch, but unexpectedly (or not), the two fall in love. The main track, “Don’t Give Up on Me” by Andy Grammar focuses on the different experiences of patients with life-threatening diseases. In the film, one character wants to live and another wants to die, but they’re connected by their shared experiences.
The concluding song to my playlist offerings is “In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes, the main track of his album “Shawn Mendes.” In spite of its deceptively sorrowful tone, the key line in the song’s lyrics is “Sometimes I feel like giving up / But I just can’t / It isn’t in my blood.” Unsubtly, the song becomes a call of triumph. I’ve now been a fan of Shawn Mendes for nearly six years, and few other songs have encapsulated the pride I have for Shawn and for myself for not giving up. I put the song at the end of my selection because I deserve happiness. The people I love more than deserve happiness. You, dear reader, deserve happiness. Everyone has hurt others or has been hurt at one point in their lives. What matters is we look back and see the distance we’ve conquered.
ASHTEN:
Playlist Offerings:
“Bamboo Bones” – Against Me!
“The Mute” – Radical Face
“Oh Susquehanna!” – Defiance, Ohio
“Sophisticated Space” – Sidney Gish
“Bird Song” – Bent Knee
My first pick for the playlist is a song by the amazingly talented and iconic punk band Against Me! I always put on the song “Bamboo Bones” when I need a pick-me-up. To me, this is a song of resilience. The music remains upbeat throughout the song, even though the song itself addresses some rather difficult topics. This song is a good reminder of the community I have found with other Disabled and otherwise marginalized people. It is also a reminder of the work and energy that it takes to keep being vocal about what is important to you. Bamboo Bones is about cherishing what you have and persevering. I also just think the title was funny because my disability results in frequent joint injuries. The song paints a picture of what it’s like to have to trust in yourself even when it is hard, and rely on your community to stick it out with you.
The second song I have added to the playlist is called “The Mute” by Radical Face. This song follows the story of a young boy who has difficulty communicating. Through the kid’s imagination, listeners get a sense of his hopes and dreams, and a darker glimpse into the realities of his home life. I think that choosing to tell a story this way is really beautiful. Radical Face writes a lot about mental health and generational trauma, often using character narratives to communicate these feelings. The song ends with the boy packing his things and going to search for a community of people who can understand and uplift him even though he cannot communicate the same as the people he had grown up around.
Oh Susquehanna! Is a folk punk song that I have been listening to on repeat all summer. Its connections to disability may not be apparent at first, as it is a song about the Susquehanna River and land development in rural areas. For context, this summer I had the privileged opportunity to work on researching the abandoned Mansfield Training School. One of the questions that was eating at the research team was the question of where the former residents were buried, and how to properly honor them with a memorial. The song Oh Susquehanna addresses some of these questions. The narrators speak of how the landscape has changed over time. They explain how the apartment complexes and gas stations were once an old cemetery, and wonder what had become of the people buried there. There is such nostalgia evoked by how Defiance, Ohio speaks of a place no longer familiar to them except in memory. When I listen to this song, the institutional connections to places like Mansfield Training School jump out instantly. I also think it speaks to a larger theme in Disability Studies of narrative preservation and erasure. I think it is a beautiful song.
Sophisticated Space by Sidney Gish was a fun addition to the list. I feel that the song very playfully remarks about the culture of academia, and the performance required to exist within academic spaces. This immediately brought to mind the concept of “passing” as abled or disabled in an academic setting. The song focuses on etiquette, dealing with intimidation and rejection, power dynamics and anxiety. As a Disabled college student, I think the song did a great job of capturing the kind of “performance” that academia expects, as well as not being able to have that mask on 24/7. I think it is a sarcastic, upbeat, and catchy song that addresses the anxieties of taking up space.
I find “Bird Song” by Bent Knee to be so beautiful. It is a soft and hauntingly lovely song. Everytime I hear it, I step back and try to take in as much of the world as I can. While the words that Courtney Swain sings may seem rather mundane, the song always makes me examine my surroundings in a new light, as though I am viewing the same situation through a wondrous kaleidoscope. In a way, thats what living with a disability has done for me as well. Always having to be open and creative. While some of the other songs on the playlist have communicated the frustration, resilience, and love, I rarely find a song that can communicate the wonder. I am very grateful for the perspective that my disability has given me.
MADISON:
Playlist Offerings:
“Hold On” by Alabama Shakes (2011)
“Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You” by Big Thief (2022)
“Sweet Disposition” by The Temper Trap (2008)
When I first sat down to curate a list of songs for the DAC playlist, I had a bit of trouble trying to decide what ‘counted’ as an anthem of disability. Funnily enough, this train of thought seems to encompass the very core of conversations surrounding identity and access. So, while my picks might not explicitly outline disability experiences, I hope that you’ll give me the benefit of the doubt in how these songs touch on the varying expressions of human experience.
The first song I wanted to add to our playlist is “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes. Brittany Howard, the lead singer of this band, delivers such an empowering and resilient performance while avoiding many enticing cliches that are associated with “feel-good” songs. While looking up the lyrics for this song, I learned that Howard is partially blind in one eye after dealing with retinoblastoma (a rare form of cancer that affects the retina) when she was younger. While I don’t think this fact is specifically related to “Hold On,” it does seem like factors such as her experiences with retinoblastoma do shape her larger worldview, as apparent in this song.
In the first verse, she sings:
“Bless my heart, bless my soul
Didn’t think I’d make it to twenty-two years old
There must be someone up above
Sayin’, ‘Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up’
This song does hinge upon some religious imagery, but is not religious in and of itself. Instead, these ‘blessings’ and the being ‘up above’ that she references, to me, is representative of the mosaic of obstacles, events, and experiences that have shaped her identity thus far in life. When considering the concept of disability itself, sometimes a given condition or identity is regarded in its own little vacuum where it exists on its own. Not only does this song celebrate overcoming obstacles in pursuit of progress and betterment, but it also serves as a reminder of the limitless number of components that interact to form a person’s sense of self.
The next song I’d like to add, Big Thief’s “Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You,” further meditates on resilience and perseverance. To me, this song sounds like a breath of fresh air. The lyrics, to be fair, can feel quite abstract at points throughout the song, but I find that the magic and whimsy that underlies its core is extremely powerful when thinking about the relationship between the self and one’s community.
Lenker sings:
It’s a little bit magic
Like a river of morning geese
In the new warm mountain
Where the stone face forms and speaks
I believe in you
Even when you need to
Recoil
This song, to me, is quietly powerful; honing in on elements of mystery and wonder as you move through the world, it feels like an anthem that celebrates the overcoming of obstacles and hardships in pursuit of pure, unadulterated beauty that has been innately tied to my own navigation of disability and disability studies.
My last contribution to the playlist is “Sweet Disposition” by The Temper Trap. The instrumentals and lyrics of this song combine to create an overwhelming sense of joy and exhilaration that immediately ensues when you detach yourself from self-imposed expectations.
Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh, reckless abandon
Like no one’s watching you
In the context of the DAC Blog, this song feels especially important to me in terms of creating an accessible community to fully embrace identity, both yours and others. Shedding normative expectations about how someone/something ‘should’ be in place of accepting someone is, and subsequently honoring that genuine expression, is exactly what I think the blog stands for.
ELISA:
Playlist Offerings:
“Aşk mı lazım” by Buray (2017)
“Doktor” by Kenan Doğulu (2020)
“Scissorhands” by Maggie Lindemann (2021)
“Eleftheros” by Konstantinos Argiros (2022)
So as it might be a little obvious from my list, I listen to a lot of non-English music. Even though I can’t understand the lyrics without a translation, these are some of my favorite songs and ones I think would interest those of us in the DSC Blog space!
For the first one, Aşk mı lazım by Buray, the music video is one of my favorites! There’s actually sign language used in this video, and it’s one of the first times I’ve seen sign language used in any music video at all.
Doktor by Kenan Doğulu is about a man begging his doctor for a prescription to cure his love. When I visited Turkey a few months ago, some of the medical adjacent lyrics from this song helped me in communicating at the pharmacy! I can play this song over and over again and I don’t think I’ll ever tire of it. I’m sure there’s a deep analysis that can be done as well between the metaphor of love with sickness… maybe that’s a blog post for another time.
Scissorhands by Maggie Lindemann always reminds me of one of the first film analyses I read relating to Disability Studies: Melinda Hall’s “Horrible Heroes: Liberating Alternative Visions of Disability in Horror,” accessed through Disability Studies Quarterly. The first research I ever did was about disability in fantasy films, so this song always reminds me of that research process!
Eleftheros by Konstantinos Argiros is a Greek song about wanting to find oneself, to get lost and explore. I find the process of embracing a disability identity almost similar in a way.
Disability & Access Collective 